no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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