Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He better not be in your backpack
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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