You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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