I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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