im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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