Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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