Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
