My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
