Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
