Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
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I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital