just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
