I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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