im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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