The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
