Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
