last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
