Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
