I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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