the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
