remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
