if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
