I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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