I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just found a bag of teeth...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
