If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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