if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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