If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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