My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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