Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
