TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
