Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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