Umm I'm too high to move.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
