If i come over, it means nothing
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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