escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
