I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
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please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
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We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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