I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
