would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
