I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
