my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
