he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
