drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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