just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Everything about him screamed your future.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
