I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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