Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Screwed.edu
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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