I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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