You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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