I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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