If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize