I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
