You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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