great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
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I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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