Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
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