I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
