Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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