We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
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You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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