I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
