i think my tv is drunk
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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