I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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