I wannas sexs uuuuu
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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