make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
