I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
