oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
In America we eat man semen.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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