I will die if light touches me.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
