I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
