why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
