You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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