and you said cock pushups were impossible
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
