Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
