I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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