Non-Jews are for practice
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
