She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize