Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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