Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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