Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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