don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
