We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
