A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
