your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
