Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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