Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
