OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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