I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I have post one night stand depression
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