they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
