Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
