Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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