that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
