I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
