Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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