Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
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I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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